You're Probably Less Safe to Talk Than You Think

Most leaders say they want feedback. What they actually want is feedback delivered by the right person, in the
right tone, at the right time — and that is not how feedback works.

In this episode, a real coaching session reveals three things most leaders get wrong about upward feedback: they
never formally ask for it, they dismiss it based on the source rather than the content, and they defend themselves
the moment it arrives — which guarantees they stop receiving it altogether.

According to a 2024 Gallup study, only 42% of US employees have ever had the formal chance to give their
manager feedback. Only 24% have formally rated their manager's performance. That means most leaders are
making decisions about their teams with almost no data on how they are actually perceived.

This episode covers:
— Why "I have an open door policy" is not the same as asking for feedback
— The email framework to use before every one-on-one (with the exact questions)
— Why we accept feedback from people we like and dismiss the same feedback from people we don't
— What defensiveness costs you — and why it compounds quietly over time
— The difference between saying "you can be honest with me" and actually building the trust that makes honesty possible
If you manage people, are working toward a leadership role, or have ever wondered why your team seems hesitant
to tell you the truth — this one is worth your time.

Timestamps
00:00 — The coaching session that prompted this episode
02:00 — Why "open door policy" doesn't count as asking for feedback
04:49 — What Gallup's 2024 data says about upward feedback
10:53 — Why we dismiss feedback based on who delivers it
13:31 — What happens when you defend yourself to feedback
15:42 — Why one interaction is never just one interaction
18:01 — What actually builds trust around feedback

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